


Connections

by thebluewater7



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Shiro Week 2018, Shiro has unhealthy coping mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-25 20:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16667548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebluewater7/pseuds/thebluewater7
Summary: Following the battle for Earth against Sendak, Shiro has been brushing off the Paladins to work with theAtlas. This isn't working as the team is trying to get his help with issues. Eventually things come to a head.





	Connections

Shiro refused to look up from the ground. He knew the others were staring at him, worried after his outburst.

“Shiro…are you sure?” Keith asked.

“Yes.” Shiro’s answer was surprisingly curt. The team looked at each other. “I’m not going to join you for those exercises. There’s no point. I’m not going to play backseat driver or watch from the ground to give you all tips that you don’t need. Besides, I have my own work to do.”

Shiro waited for the sounds of them leaving, but they didn’t come as he expected. Finally, he looked up. “What?”

The others looked at each before Coran spoke. “Um, Shiro, have you not been reading the recent reports?”

“The reports on your practices? Why would I read them? Last report I read made it quite clear that you had all surpassed any kind of bond I once had with the Black Lion. So I don’t know why you think I’d continue to read them when I’m not really part of the team anymore.” Shiro frowned at them. “Besides, I’ve been busy trying to figure things out with the _Atlas_. Something’s been going on since that last battle and it’s not responding the same way it used to.”

“Captain Shirogane!” Veronica burst into the room. “You’re going to be late for the meeting!”

Shiro glanced down at his datapad and almost swore. “You’re right. Excuse me, Paladins, Coran. I have to go.” He quickly turned and left the room before anyone could say anything.

“Did…did that just happen?” Veronica asked confused. “I know I haven’t worked with you guys long but…that doesn’t seem like him.”

“I think something is bothering him but he won’t really talk to us.” Lance told his sister.

Allura looked at Coran. “He never usually addresses us like that. I know that it shouldn’t bother me as it’s been a while since he’s done it, but I do miss the days he would call me ‘Princess’ as it reminded me that that’s what I am, even if I do not have my people anymore.”

Keith frowned. “It’s not just that that’s different. I don’t like the way he calls us ‘Paladins’ like he’s not a part of the group anymore.”

“I mean, in a way, he’s not?” Hunk said, making everyone look at him. He held his hands up when he noticed the few glares. “I don’t mean that we don’t see him that way. But, I think that he sees himself that way. He’s been distancing himself more and more since we got back to Earth.”

“Maybe he’s just trying to readjust?” Coran suggested. “You guys did tell us that before we met, he was considered dead. Perhaps he is making up for lost time with his loved ones…that for some reason we have not been introduced to…”

“You don’t know?” Veronica looked at all of them. “Captain Shirogane doesn’t have any family.”

“What about Professor Woods?” Pidge asked. “I don’t know what happened to them before the Kerberos mission but I know that Matt said that they were really close.”

Veronica’s mouth dropped as she looked at them. “You mean Adam Woods? Captain Shirogane’s ex-fiancé?”

“I’m sorry, but what does that mean?” Allura asked.

“Adam and Shiro were going to get married.” Keith said before Veronica could answer. He looked at Veronica. “I know that things didn’t end on the best of notes for them, but I can’t imagine that Adam wouldn’t be around. What?” He added after seeing the stunned looks on Hunk, Pidge, and Lance’s faces.

“Why are you calling him by his first name? It’s weird.” Lance said.

“You guys do know that Shiro looked after me during my time here, right? I spent a lot of time with the two of them.”

“Right.” Veronica looked uncomfortable. “Anyways…I guess none of you have really looked at the memorial wall. Adam was killed early on during the Galra attack.”

There was silence for a moment. “Why – why wouldn’t Shiro say anything to us?” Hunk looked at the others. Veronica sighed.

“This isn’t good. The meeting that he was going to be late for – it’s not what he thinks it’s actually about. Commander Iverson and the others are worried about him. His temper’s been short with almost everyone and they’re especially worried after you guys gave them the full story of how he died and was brought back.”

“Dad mentioned that there was concern about Shiro not dealing with things well but he didn’t mention that.” Pidge frowned.

“Number One did snap at us a few times on our journey here.” Coran noted. “But we didn’t really help him readjust to life and a body very well in our hurry to get here.”

“I don’t know how we would have been able to help. It’s not like we had resources or people able to do it. Plus, how do you help someone that died and was brought back to life?” Keith pointed out.

Allura frowned. “That’s true but…Shiro and I never took the time to discuss it either. I may not know him as well as I would have liked before but when I carried his soul from the Black Lion to the clone’s body, I did pick up some of his thoughts and possibly some memories? I wanted to speak about it more in private with him but the opportunity did not happen.”

“So none of you really talked to him about what happened?” Veronica asked. The team looked at each before looking back at her. “This is bad. I remember Adam complaining about how Shiro handled the idea of being taken off of the Kerberos mission because of his medical problems. It’s part of the reason why they broke up.”

Hunk mouthed the words “medical problems” to the others who shrugged. Keith growled. “Adam knew how important it was to Shiro.”

Veronica put her hands up. “I’m not saying Adam was right. I knew it was important to Shiro too. He didn’t exactly tell a lot of people about it.”

Pidge looked horrified. “The Kerberos mission. They blamed it on pilot error so quickly that I knew something wasn’t right. But they were ready with that because he had a medical condition, weren’t they?”

“They did what?” Coran demanded. “They blamed what happened on Shiro?”

“I’m surprised that they allowed him to give the directions they did after we returned then.” Allura observed.

“No offense to the two of you, but Shiro was a higher ranking officer that they trusted.” Veronica reminded them. “And he was very well liked. It’s why they had him teaching and recruiting.”

“Knowing Shiro, though, that still doesn’t explain his behavioral changes.” Keith reminded everyone of the issue at hand. “Veronica, he said that he hadn’t been reading any of the recent reports from us on our Lions.”

Veronica frowned. “I know that he’s been receiving them. Given the way he helped you guys with them during that battle before the _Atlas_ was even an option, it doesn’t make sense that he would stop trying to help.”

Allura gasped, making everyone look at her. “Oh. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it earlier. Veronica, you make an excellent point. He’s stopped really helping us with the Lions since that battle. He always claims it’s because he needs to practice working with the _Atlas_ instead. But that can’t be the truth – or at least not the full truth. I think he’s avoiding us and the Lions on purpose!”

“Yes, but why?” Lance said. “I don’t think any of us did anything to upset him.”

Pidge’s eyes went wide. “Allura, are you suggesting that it’s because he’s not a Paladin anymore?”

“I think so.” Allura said as several other eyes went wide. “We’ve developed very deep bonds since he died and I fear that he no longer feels like he has a place with us because of that. Especially now that he has his own new spot to be.”

Veronica frowned. “I’m not trying to accuse you guys of anything, but it sounded like none of you even noticed that the clone wasn’t actually Shiro. I get that they looked alike – obviously since we recognized him – but it didn’t sound like the clone was quite the same personality wise.”

“Look, I don’t know about everyone else, but I did kind of brush it off as Shiro trying to deal with everything that had happened?” Hunk said. “I mean, I wasn’t particularly close to him when he was our teacher, but I did know that he was different enough from his PTSD. So I just figured that he was trying to work through more stuff.”

“And before you accuse us of not trying to help him, Shiro was rather closed off to us before he disappeared.” Lance told his sister as she opened her mouth.

“There’s something else too.” Allura hesitated. “Oh, Shiro’s not going to be happy with me for sharing this but I don’t know if he even knows that I know about this. It’s one of the things I glimpsed when I had his soul. You remember when Sendak’s crystal corrupted the Castle?”

“You almost flew us into a dying star, Pidge and Hunk were attacked by the food goo, Keith was almost killed by one of the gladiators, I was trapped in one of the cyropods and almost sucked out of the Castle into space, and Shiro ejected Sendak.” Lance ticked off on his fingers. 

“Yes, well,” Allura looked uncomfortable. “Shiro was hearing Sendak’s voice. I don’t know if it was really Sendak or Shiro’s imagination. I doubt that Shiro himself knows. But Sendak told Shiro that he was a part of the Galra Empire as they had made him stronger and that a monster such as Shiro could never be a Paladin.”

“And now he’s not a Paladin anymore.” Hunk said. “Oh man…”

Coran winced. “Do you think the clone was projecting a bit then when we were playing Monsters and Mana and he kept wanting to be a Paladin?”

Keith and Veronica were the only ones who didn’t flinch at the reminder. “We’re bad friends.” Pidge said. “How do we fix this?”

No one spoke as they all thought it over. Veronica’s datapad beeping broke the silence. She looked down to see the message and almost swore. “Uh…we might need to help break up the meeting. Shiro doesn’t seem to be handling the suggestion of a break very well. Not that I’m surprised.”

“I’m sure Dad’s not either.” Pidge said as they started to head towards the meeting room as a group.

“Hey, Allura, I know things have changed a lot but…is there a way for us to maybe switch things back to how they were before?” Keith asked. Several pairs of eyes snapped to him. “I mean, no offense, I know how important being a Paladin is to you, but I don’t ever remember us struggling as Voltron as we did with that last robeast Haggar sent before everything got changed.”

Allura frowned. “I know what you mean. To be honest, if Shiro hadn’t somehow managed to get the _Atlas_ to transform, I don’t think we would have won.”

“He wouldn’t have been able to do it at all if it wasn’t for your tiara crystal in his arm.” Coran mentioned. The others looked at him in surprise. “I did a reading afterwards. Most of the energy for the transformation was channeled through it.”

“I know that Red eventually showed up for me, but those moments before she did were frightening.” Lance admitted. “I think I was half hoping that Blue was going to be the one to appear.”

“You know…the only times we’ve really struggled to succeed while Voltron was when Shiro wasn’t there.” Hunk was thinking out loud at this point and didn’t notice the looks given to him. “I mean, he was basically inside the Black Lion the whole time he was dead, right? So that means that every time we formed Voltron between his death and Allura putting his soul into the clone body, he was there with us. But then his soul wasn’t there and he was here in _Atlas_ and things didn’t go so well. So no offense to the Garrison, but there’s no way a brand new mecha ship with no one having practiced with it before could have worked that flawlessly without something going on, right?”

“We can see if the Lions are willing to chose their original Paladins again.” Allura said. “I mean, the Black Lion’s bond with Zarkon wasn’t fully severed after 10,000 years so there must be a chance.”

“And if that does work?” Veronica asked. “What will that mean for the _Atlas_?”

“It was modeled after the Castle. I’m sure Allura would be able to helm it as well as Shiro, if not better.” Coran said. 

“Do you think that that will also resolve the issues you guys have been having with the Lions?” Veronica asked as they reached the door to the meeting room. Raised voices could be heard from inside.

“It’s highly probable.” Pidge said. “After all, Hunk and I are the only ones not really having issues right now and we’re still the only ones who haven’t ever changed Lions.”

“Good. Be ready to suggest that quickly.” Veronica said.

“Why?” Lance asked but Veronica opened the door to the meeting room instead of answering him. “Veronica!”

“You called for me, sirs?” Veronica walked in with the others quickly following her. Sam and Iverson looked relieved to see her.

“Did you guys seriously call her and the others for backup?” Shiro looked incredulous. “I don’t need a break. I don’t need a shrink. What I need to do is go back to work without people interfering.”

“Sit down, Shiro.” Allura’s voice took on the commanding tone she had used back when they had first started training. Shiro did so immediately, looking surprised when he did. “Now, I don’t know if it’s inappropriate to ask but if we could have some privacy? Trying to order Shiro to rest doesn’t really work in my experience. If Veronica, Sam and Commander Iverson wish to stay, that’s fine but I would like everyone else to leave.”

Coran had a proud smile as the Paladins watched in shock as the other members of higher command actually left the room.

“Thank you, Princess Allura, for your help there. I’m afraid the others were not helping anything by pushing the issue the way they were.” Iverson said. Shiro crossed his arms and huffed in annoyance. “This isn’t over, Shiro. You’re burning yourself out. Many have noticed your short temper of late.”

“My temper has nothing to do with burning myself out. It’s from frustration that I keep getting interrupted for things that are not related to what I’m trying to do.” Shiro argued.

“Does that include the issues we seem to be having with the Lions?” Allura asked.

“Again with these issues!” Shiro threw his hands up. “As I already said, you guys have bonds that have surpassed whatever bond I once had with the Black Lion. You guys don’t need me to hold your hands through this stuff the way I did before the last battle.”

Sam sighed as he sat down at the table next to Shiro. “Look, we’re not trying to be difficult. But, Shiro, you really do need to take a look at these issues that they’re having. They’re not trying to make you feel included. There are actual issues that they were wondering if you’d be able to help them with.”  
Shiro frowned and rubbed his temples. “Fine. Let me see a data pad so I can read the reports.”

“They’re already pulled up and in chronological order.” Veronica informed him as she handed over her datapad. “And my phone will ding if you even try to leave them for something else.”

“The close monitoring is getting really annoying.” Shiro muttered.

“If you actually opened up to us instead of making us do this, maybe you wouldn’t have to deal with it.” Iverson said without remorse.

“Well maybe if the pressure in my head that no one can find a cause for would disappear, I could focus on different things.”

“…what pressure?” Allura asked, hands immediately coming up to reach him.

Shiro blocked her with his new arm without looking up from the datapad. “It’s no big deal. It’s sort of been there for a long time but it’s been getting worse since the battle.”

“How long is a long time exactly, Shiro?” Keith said. Shiro glared at him over the datapad. “Don’t give me that. I know that you know exactly how long it’s been there.”

“…since we first formed Voltron.” Shiro admitted.

“Shiro, you need to be completely honest with us right now.” Coran said. “Especially if you know the truth. Is it the Black Lion?”

Shiro sighed and placed the datapad on the table. “Yes. I can tell she still has a bond with me and she’s not happy that I haven’t tried to regain my place with you guys. She doesn’t seem to get that I’m kind of scared to do it again after how things went the last time.”

Allura sat down next to him and reach for his hand. Shiro didn’t pull away this time. “Shiro, I told you before. The Lions chose you, all of you. It’s a special bond and I think the swapping that’s happened since we believed you dead has adversely affected all of us and that bond. I have enjoyed being a part of that bond but I do not feel right in it. I am connected to all of the Lions and trying to focus on a bond with one in particular is not helping things.”

“I’m just not sure if I’m really ready to go back to that. I mean, I’ve enjoyed being in the _Atlas_ but it doesn’t feel the same as it did in Black.” Shiro admitted.

“Shiro, I think you need to try. I think that’s what our recent issues are coming from. The Lions all know you’re back and they want things to return to the way they were.” Keith said. “Hunk and Pidge are the only ones not experiencing issues after all.”

Shiro looked around at the others. All had encouraging looks on their faces but he still seemed uncertain. “And if I end up trapped in the Black Lion again?” 

“I don’t think it will happen.” Allura said. “Your bond is stronger now and so is your body. If it does happen, well, I guess we’ll have to track Haggar down and ask how she went about cloning you in the first place. Keith mentioned that there were a large number of them. Perhaps we can find a way to do it again so that you never have to worry.”

The others, especially Sam and Iverson, stared at her with mouths open.

“Was that a joke? Did she just tell a joke?” Hunk asked in shock.

Allura frowned. “Was that not funny?”

“Just a bit strange.” Sam admitted. “But that could be because that sort of thing isn’t something we’re really able to do here. Outside of our horror or sci-fi movies.”

“Ah.”

“Shiro, will you please come down to the Lions and just try? At the very least, if you talk to the Black Lion about your worries, maybe she can assure it won’t happen again. Or will get rid of your bond to fix the issue for you.” Lance spoke up.

“I suppose I can do that.”

“Do you want us to come with you?” Pidge offered.

Shiro looked around and couldn’t help but smile a bit at those around him. “I would like that a lot. Thanks. Commander Iverson, Sam, Veronica, do you want to join us?”

“I think it could be interesting.” Veronica said. Sam agreed as well but Iverson shook his head.

“Thanks, but I better inform the others that things are taken care of.”

The group headed down to the Lions almost immediately. Shiro was still nervous but he walked in the front of the group. The others were right. He couldn’t keep hiding from this because of one fear. He shouldn’t have lost that fight to Sendak so easily. He’d fought the man to a standstill before. Perhaps this would help him with some of the other issues he didn’t want to bring up to the others right now.

Black leaned down almost immediately, practically touching Shiro’s forehead with her muzzle, as if kissing him to greet him. Shiro smiled softly and reached up to hold her. “I’m sorry I hid from you.”

Black leaned back a bit before opening her mouth in clear invitation. Shiro didn’t hesitate before entering. She hummed to life around her, clearly happy about his return. He sat down and was quickly bombarded by images and feelings from her.

Her feelings when he was dying and she did the only thing she could think of to save him, unsure if it would work and then realizing that while she had saved him, she had also doomed him.

Her trying not to accept the others because she wasn’t ready to move on from Shiro yet despite knowing that he could be of help. Her not wanting to take the others away from their Lions but feeling like Allura wasn’t ready to step into a Lion’s seat. Only accepting Keith because she knew Shiro wanted Keith to take charge.

Her confusion when a being similar to Shiro in all ways, including quintessence, appeared before her and Keith. Bringing him home because she wanted to know the truth about what was going on and accidentally starting off a chain of events. 

And lastly, her hurt that Shiro seemed to be avoiding her since coming back.

“I’m sorry.” Shiro said. “I was scared. I didn’t mean to push you away. Or the others. I just didn’t really feel like I belonged anymore. And I was scared of dying again.”

Black pushed at him mentally. He was hers. She chose him. After what happened with Zarkon, she hadn’t wanted another one in case her judgment was off. But she chose him because she could tell that he wasn’t like that. He was kind and had already suffered at the hands of Zarkon and wanted to help others. He was hers and she was his.

Shiro smiled. Things were feeling right again and the pressure inside his head finally let up to the way it had once been before he died. Just there enough for him to feel her but not enough to hurt.

Outside, the others watched as first the eyes of the Black Lion began to glow before the others followed suit. Things were going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a review or kudos. You can come talk to me on Tumblr at either thebluewater7.tumblr.com or thebluewater7swritings.tumblr.com


End file.
